he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
