Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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