you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Pants are for mortals
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize