Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
