He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
