Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
