guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize