ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
