The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
