she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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