Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
