u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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