Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
