After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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