I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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