that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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