last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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