Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
