Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
