I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
