I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
