i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
