i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
