Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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