Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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