im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
