Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
