he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
