just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
