Cold hands, warm shart.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
