I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
