went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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