I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
