i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
