Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
