God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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