went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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