An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
