he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
