she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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