I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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