we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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