The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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