I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
