I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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