he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
