Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize