I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you traded sex for a burrito?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
