Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
