I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
