Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
