i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
