I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
