Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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