My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
