oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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