you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
