All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
