i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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