Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
