Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
