dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
