I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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