So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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