The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
