You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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