There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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