i jhust puked up my retainher.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
