I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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